remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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