She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Drake has all the answers
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize