Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
