broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
