i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
only if we run a train.
done.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize