Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I need to calm my uterus...
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize