I faked an abortion last night.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
