I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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