did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
