sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
