wat bout pragnant strippers??
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
