the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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