mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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