Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
