i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize