I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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