You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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