Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
