Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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