I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
