I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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