I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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