Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
