I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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