so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
