toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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