she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
