She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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