He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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