i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
