i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
