Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
