Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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