Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
