so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
