Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
