did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
