Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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