She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
