i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
