I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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