Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Is it penis luge time yet?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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