I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
People in love make me want to vomit
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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