I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I need water and some morals
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
