Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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