He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
