Fuck appropriateness.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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