i permit you to call me
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
whose ass print is on the piano?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
