i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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