Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
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