You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
