Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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