if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
