We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
