my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize