I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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