woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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