Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
