kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
