I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
