sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
