What did we do last night that was yellow?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
