Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
