Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
