Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
