ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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