we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
