i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
