I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
